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Wouldn't it be Nice?/Transcript
is calmly walking out of a classroom Susie: Thank you, Mrs. Peterson. the door I'll be sure to tell my parents. calm for a second, before she starts cheering Yeah! Whoopee! Yo yo yo! a cartwheel, as students stare Alright! Yes! on her knees, stopping directly in front of a teacher Oh. her throat before she calmly stands up, and walks away. But at the corner, she starts cheering again. Yo yo yo! Alright! lockers with matching posters of Emica are closed, before Angelica's remains open. Angelica: to Chuckie It's all about having your own identity. That's why I have to have a navel piercing exactly like Emica's. Chuckie: Piercing? I fainted when my mother got contacts. to Harold, who looks just as horrified Angelica: So, what's up with this "Living Skills" seminar? No books, no tests, what's the catch? Chuckie: I hear they pair everybody up in fake marriages. Harold: a bit further up, now determined Just so you know, Angelica, if we end up together, I'm going to have to put my foot down about that belly button ring. glares at him; He smiles. Unless you really want it. Susie: up to them Guys, guys! Did you hear?! Did you hear?! Chuckie: I know; Living Skills class. Susie: No, about me. I was nominated for a national Junior Presidential achievement scholarship! Angelica: Big deal. I'm getting a navel piercing just like Emica. into the classroom with pride Susie: Oh yeah, that'll get you into Harvard. Lil is bouncing a soccer ball on her left foot, with Phil and Tommy watching Lil: I can't believe Neil Stanton is going to be signing his rocking new shoes at the mall! the ball on her head, before kicking the ball to Phil Tommy: Who? Phil: the ball back to Lil with his backside Only the world's greatest soccer player. Lil: the ball on her head and foot before securing it in the grass with her foot The man's a genius infield, with a boot like a cannon. sadly, and sits on the ball And I'll be stuck in school. Phil: up to her with a plan Or maybe we won't. Lil: up What're you saying? We can't ditch school; We'll get caught. Phil: It'll be cake. We'll just leave the house like we do every morning, except we'll go to the mall. No one'll ever know. Tommy: up Oh, why'd you tell me that? Now Mr. Shackley will ask me where you are, and I'm a terrible liar. I-I blink when I lie. Phil: So, come along; You can shoot video for the local news. Tommy: about the plan I'm in. Dil: up to them Hey T, I need you to walk with me to school tomorrow. I need to carry the entire solar system, and there's a couple of new nebula I discovered. Tommy: Aww gee, I can't. blinking repeatedly, proving his earlier statement correct I'm ho, ho, honorary crossing guard. at him, while still blinking Dil: O-o-o-oka-a-a-ay... away, confused Tommy: in relief Phil: Lil Maybe if he wears sunglasses. the classroom Ms. O'Keats: the students The cornerstone of all successful relationships are the three C's. to the chalkboard, which has the three "c" words listed in chronological order Communication, cooperation, and compromise. depression Three things my ex-boyfriend although lacked. The man has a sensitivity of a potato. up But I digress. After choosing mates, you will be assigned occupations, and together you will plan a wedding. learn to budget, and make provisions for children. mutter before Chuckie stands up and raises his hand Chuckie: Excuse me, Ms. O'Keats? I'm not sure I'm ready for a wife. Can't I just take home the class goldfish? to the goldfish in a circular fishbowl Ms. O'Keats: Not a wife, Charles. For this special class, you will be known as "Spouse 1", and "Spouse 2." to her desk I have written half of the class' names on pieces of paper. The other half will choose a partner from this greasy paper bag. walking down the aisle with the bag. looks back and smiles dreamingly at Darryl, who smiles back and waves at her. She turns back to face forward. Angelica: with hope Darryl, Darryl, Darryl! Harold: just as much hope Angelica, Angelica, Angelica! into the bag when it's his turn ''(Thoughts: Angelica, Angelica, Angelica!) out a name, and frowns with disappointment'' Harriet? Who's Harriet? Harriet: nasally That's me. from her seat in the back Harold: Great. O'Keats walks up to a nervous Chuckie. Chuckie: around in the bag, fearing the worst, before he pulls one out Leslie Kaminski? There's no Leslie in this class. Fridge: That's me. Chuckie: the paper on the desk in surprise Fridge Kamiski?? giggles Your name is Leslie? his fist and lays his face on the table, before Fridge growls angrily at him; Chuckie stops, now nerous again Heh, nice name. his shoulder Angelica: into and digs in the bag when it's her turn (Thoughts: Darryl, Darryl, Darryl!) one out Susie Carmichael?! Susie: at the paper she chose Angelica?? Susie/Angelica: I can't be married to her! Ms. O'Keats: Sorry; Just like in life, you'll have to learn to live with your choices. Tomorrow, we'll begin your fake life with a field trip. for the second bag Now, let's see what disappointments the world of employment has in store for you. shaking the bag up and down to shuffle the papers. the DeVille house and Lil are walking down the hall to the kitchen Phil: Just keep the casual. stopped at the doorway, where they see Betty at the stove. Lil: Bye, Mom. Phil: every syllable from nervousness Well, we're off to school now. Like we do every morning. Yep, here we go... to school. nervously, before Lil pushes him out. Betty shrugs, before continuing her work. Phil and Lil walk up to the bus stop. You think I sounded nervous? Lil: Not at all... his arm up, revealing sweat stains on his jacket, with an annoyed glare Swamp thing. next morning, the field trip starts on the bus. Darryl is sitting and talking with Brianna, Angelica watches angrily, and Chuckie looks uneasy, sitting next to Fridge. Angelica: It isn't fair! Darryl ends up being an internet zillionaire married to Brianna, a supermodel, while I'm a plumber married to a waitress with 6 kids! Susie: typing on her laptop as Angelica complains Chillax, it's not even real. Now the Junior Presidential scholarship; That's real. her laptop Prestigous high school, elite music conservatory. her laptop in her backpack. She puts her backpack in between her and Angelica, who scoots away I wow them with this speech today, and I'm gold. Angelica: Can't you put that on the floor? Susie: Uh-uh! That laptop has the only copy of my speech on it. It is staying where I can see it. Angelica: angrily at Darryl and Brianna again Maybe I can still break them up before the wedding. up, but is pulled down back in her seat by Susie. Susie: Siddown. 5 hours from now, my life is going to change forever, and I don't want you messing with it. So, just hitch your caboose to the Susie express, and ride your way to an easy A. her backpack Ms. O'Keats: But before City Hall and the marriage bureau, we would be visiting various shops to research wedding costs. Oh, and I'd like to thank Principal Pangborn for volunteering to chaperone today. Mr. Pangborn: angrily I thought we were going to the zoo. Ms. O'Keats: Now, why would I say "zoo"? Part of our first 'C', "communication", is listening. Perhaps you'd like to cover this with the class. Mr. Pangborn: I can't. I have to face forward, or I ralph. Ms. O'Keats: (sarcastically) Oh, how romantic. stop at a bakery, where Chuckie and Fridge are looking at a tall wedding cake Chuckie: So uh, you want to be Spouse 1, or Spouse 2? for an answer, but doesn't receive one; He frowns sadly Uh, I know this is kinda awkward, me being the breadwinner and you having to give up your career to raise our 3 kids, but I really think we could make this work. grunts and walks away without answering, leaving a sad Chuckie. and Harriet are at the window of a jewelry store with a wedding ring display Harriet: I always wanted to get married on a beach, with bagpipes. Harold: You're kidding! So did I! What's your favorite sandwich? Harriet: Cucumber and onions... and Harold hold hands romantically Harriet/Harold: On wheat! stop at "Ever Bridal", a bridal shop, where the students mingle Susie: standing outside a fitting stall, where Angelica is trying on a dress Angelica, hurry up! We're not supposed to be trying these on! Angelica: Oh, lighten up. We can't afford this anyway, not on your crummy salary. Maybe if you took a night job. Susie: It's not real. Ms. O'Keats: Okay everyone, it's time to leave this graveyard of shattered dreams. Susie: the rest of the students leaving Angelica, hurry! Angelica: in the dress, before she stops Uh oh. Quick, get me out of this! rushes into the stall, where she sees Angelica trapped and restrained, and gasps I'm stuck! pulls at the dress from the top Ow! My nose, my nose! Susie: Stop complaining, and suck in your head! Mr. Pangborn: Finster, Kaminski! Carmichael, Pickles! Susie: Here! Angelica: (squeakily) Here! Susie: her foot on the mirror for support, she finally frees Angelica, falling back in the process Angelica: Y'know, for something so expensive, you think they could've thrown in a zipper. and Susie exit the stall, and see the store now empty Oh no! Susie: They're gone! and Angelica run out of the store, Susie obliviously leaving her backpack behind, just in time to see the bus driving off Angelica: at Susie Well, I hope you're happy. stop at the marriage bureau Mr. Pangborn: obvious lack of interest And this is where you get your marriage license. The first step in that amazing adventure called "life." Woman: Fishing, fishing, fishing! That's all you ever talk about! away angrily Fisherman: I'm a fisherman! after her Ms. O'Keats: And there's your fairy-tale ending. Mr. Pangborn: Clipboard, comb... Can't help feeling like I've lost something. Ms. O'Keats: over the students, and realizes that Susie and Angelica aren't with them Where are Susie and Angelica?! a street corner, Angelica and Susie wait to walk across the road. Angelica: I can't believe they left without us. This downtown air is not good for combination skin! Susie: Stop whining. I got it wired: Wer'e supposed to meet our class for lunch by the horse statue, and there it is. to a geometric horse statue Angelica: That doesn't look like a horse. Susie: It's modern art. It's not supposed to look like what it is. Besides, how many horse statues can they have in one park? out, there are multiple horse statues in the park, one of which the students are gathered at with the two faculty. This statue has a sign that says "Stallion Park". Mr. Pangborn: They knew we were supposed to meet here. How many horse statues can there be in one park? Ms. O'Keats: We'll double back. Knowing Angelica, she probably got caught up shopping. Mr. Pangborn: I should've brought my car. I have flares. at a different area, Phil and Lil are headed for the mall, Lil clad in a Neil Stanton themed soccer outfit and Phil glancing all around in fear Lil: We're only minutes away from meeting the world's greatest soccer player. This was the best idea you've ever had. Phil: Was that Mom's car?! Lil: No! Would you relax?! Think about it; You can be at school right now, like the rest of the world. see the surprisingly long line Whoa. Actually, I think the rest of the world is here. Tommy: Guys! Hey, guys! to them from his place in the line, saved for them Lil: Hey, Tommy. How'd getting out of the house go? Tommy: repeatedly Piece of cake. Dil: Yo, T. up to them Tommy: Dil! his video camera to Dil in surprise How'd you know I was ditching? Dil: (sarcastically) Oh, I don't know. Tommy's nervous blinking Frankly, I'm hurt you'd leave your little bro behind. closer to the camera as he speaks, up until his eye takes up the entire lens Did I ever not invite you when I was in a fourth dimension?? Tommy: I don't consider being thrown in the living closet to smell your farts another dimension. Tommy points this out, a flashback is shown, proving his point. Dil: widely at Tommy at the park, Susie is pacing back and forth, while Angelica sits on the bench indifferently Susie: I don't get it. They were supposed to be here for lunch. This is a disaster! Angelica: Tell me about it. This is just the kind of crisis that could bring Brianna and Darryl together. Susie: Don't you ever think about anything but you, and your imaginary problems?! I need to get back to school for my interview! out her left hand You got any money? Angelica: Lipstick, lipliner, lip brush, cell phone... Oh! Cell phone! Cell phone! Susie: Yes! Way to go, Angelica! Angelica: Oh, no juice. Susie: Way to go, Angelica. gasps Wait a minute. My backpack. Where's my backpack? Oh, I had it right here! Oh, where's my backpack?! Angelica: So what? Your mom will buy you a new backpack. Do you know how many backpacks I've lost by accident on purpose? Susie: Did any of them have a laptop in it with a 3-page speech that was going to change your destiny?? Angelica: No, but one had an Emica keychain in it that I really liked. Susie: gasps I left it at the bridal shop. Angelica on her feet Come on, we're gonna go back! Angelica: her hand away Forget it; I'm waiting here for our class. back on the bench. Susie: Fine, I'm going! off Stereo salesman: up behind Angelica, and opens his jacket, revealing two small speakers Eh, you want to buy some stereo speakers? ferret crawls out of his jacket, and glares at Angelica A live ferret? Angelica: up on her feet Wait up! after Susie class returns to the bridal shop Ms. O'Keats: to Mr. Pangborn after speaking to an employee They left here an hour ago. Mr. Pangborn: An hour?! I don't think I can handle the stress! out his tongue, so his speech is distorted Doeth thith look thwollen to you? Ms. O'Keats: I'll notify the authorities. Useless; Just like Arthur. away Chuckie: and Fridge are looking at bridal dresses on mannequins through the shop window I don't get it. Why don't they have heads anymore? receive an answer yet again, and sighs sadly. Harold and Harriet join him at the window. Hey Harold, I need your advice. You're a fake psychiatrist; How come Fridge never listens to me? Harold: You have to find a common interest. Ours is origami. and Harriet hold up purple paper birds together, forming a heart at a strange street, Susie and Angelica are still looking for the bridal shop Susie: We're not lost. The bridal store is just around this corner. go around the corner, but find a tattoo parlor instead. Wait a minute. This tattoo parlor wasn't here before. Angelica: (sarcastically) Right; They just put it up an hour ago. realizes Tattoo parlor?? Hmm... the tattoo parlor, Angelica and Susie are talking to an employee Tattoo Artist: Hey sorry hon, we don't do piercings unless you're 18 or older. Angelica: her shirt and holds a gold barbell to her navel Listen lady, I may look like I'm fresh off the pond, but I've been around the block. Trust me, I've seen it all. a teenage getting her navel pierced, and passes out Susie: to the tattoo artist Uh, I don't suppose I can leave her here with you? the mall, Tommy, Dil, and the twins are closer to the entrance of the mall. Lil is bouncing her soccer ball on her foot. Phil: rocking on the sidewalk in fear I'm a good boy. I'm a good boy. I'm in a safe place. No one can hurt me now. Lil: Knock it off! Tommy: Yeah Phil, no one's going to catch us. stops rocking Dil: Yeah, it's not like the security guys in the mall are paying attention. They're too busy scarfing down cheese on a stick. Tommy: Security guys? Dil: Yeah. The ones watching all those survelliance cameras. Tommy: around and sees all the cameras; He gets down and starting rocking fearfully with Phil I'm a good boy. Won't get in trouble. I'm a good boy. the survelliance area, Dil is proven to be right; As he imitates a mime, the security guards are eating cheese on a stick and not looking at the camera footage Susie and a recovered are still looking for the bridal shop. Angelica: You know, for someone who's always mapping out their future, you have one lousy sense of direction. Susie: angrily Fine, I'll ask someone, okay? Get off my back, woman! Angelica with her outburst, before she turns to a man Excuse me, is there a bridal store arou...?'' man speaks in Korean turns to a woman'' Excuse me, do you know if...? woman holds her purse away, and walks off in a huff notices the Korean symbols all around the area Angelica: Everything's in Korean! Susie: Really?? Maybe that's why they call it KOREA TOWN!!! walk by a butcher shop Angelica: Boy, I must be really hungry, 'cause that duck hanging by its neck in that window is looking good. in her pocket, and pulls out a $1 bill Hey, found a dollar. Susie: Yes! a row of payphones There's a payphone! Ooh, we can get the number for the bridal shop, tell them to hold my backpack, have them call the school, the Susie express is back on track! Angelica outside the shop, eating a dish Angelica: Ever tried kimchi? It's not bad. slouches in despair. And I got this whole thing for a dollar. angrily marches up to her What? What? Susie: You just ate my future! falls on a potted bloom bush Angelica: out a leaf Future, future, future, can't you talk about anything else?! Susie: It wouldn't hurt of you thought about yours once in a while! Angelica: I think about my future! out of the bush Did you know how long I spend every night laying out my clothes for the next morning? Susie: angrily This is getting us nowhere. I think it's time to use the 3 C's: Communication, cooperation, and compromise. Pause Angelica: Bossy! Susie: Big-mouth! Angelica: I wish we never got married! Susie: WE DIDN'T!!! walk through a fish market. Back off, sister. I got one hour to find my laptop and get to school, and I am not going to let anything get in my way! fish is thrown at the back of her neck, knocking her down on a puddle; She starts to cry in despair Can't take it, can't take it, I can't take it anymore. break and Angelica are at a pier, where a truck of fish drives away Susie: You might as well just bit me for that baberam right now, 'cause my future is dead. How's this sound?: "Would you like fries with that?" cries Angelica: Come on, Susie, we'll get back. I have a plan many I have to accessorize for tomorrow. Susie: How do you do that? Angelica: Do what? Susie: Skate through life, focus on the most superficial things without any concern for the future. Angelica: lipstick as Susie speaks We're 13, it's our job. start walking You know Susie, you can plan every second of life. But won't that be kind of boring? All I'm saying is if you're only looking down the road, you'll never see the half-off signs along the way. a second, they clutch each other in fear when a motorcyclist comes driving up. Angelica: I've got kimchi in my pocket, and I'm not afraid to use it! driver takes off their helmet, revealing them to be the tattoo artist they met at the parlor. Tattoo artist: What are you two girls doing way out here? Angelica: We're lost. Do you know that bridal shop near the park? Susie: Oh, let's just go home. Tattoo artist: Sure, I know it. Got my dress there. Want to see my wedding picture? up her sleeve, revealing a tattooed wedding picture of her and a rocker man. She gives Angelica and Susie each a cycle helmet Here you go. and Susie cheer as they ride off with the tattoo artist the mall, Tommy, Dil, and the twins are very close to the front. The boys are looking around nervously. Lil: when the lady in front of her walks to the booth There he is, Phil! There he is! Stanton signs his headshot for the lady Phil: No thanks, I told you, it's Rico. Lil: to walk up to the booth, but the woman puts an "Event Closed" sign in front of her What? You can't! Woman: Sorry. Phil: Hey! Just you hold on! This is my sister! She's his biggest fan! She knows all his moves, she has all his posters... Tommy: Shh! They're gonna figure out we ditched. Phil: I don't care! I am not leaving until she gets his autograph. at the doorway stubbornly Dil: And neither are we!'' and Tommy sit next to Phil, as witnesses cheer'' Woman: Oh fine, this way. Lil: to get the autograph, and stops by her friends, feeling emotional Thanks... Rico. winks at her as a 'you're welcome' gesture, before she goes to get what she was hoping for. the class came back to the bridal shop, where Mr. Pangborn is crying on one of the benches. Ms. O'Keats: up to him I talked to the police, and they have staked out the school. They're sure the girls will turn up. Mr. Pangborn: I keep seeing their little faces. So alone, so scared. I feel so helpless! again Ms. O'Keats: You really care about these children, don't you? I never realized what a sensitive, caring... bald man you are. Mr. Pangborn: What can I say? I have so much love to give. and Ms. O'Keats gaze at each other dreamily Fridge is eating a sandwich, while a mannequin arm is on Chuckie's neck Chuckie: Ack! Help me! Agh! Help me! before he notices that Fridge is still not responding to him; Chuckie gives up, and sits next to him with a sandwich of his own. Ugh, I don't know anymore. the arm behind his back carelessly What do I have to do to reach you? Just once, I'd like to hear "How's the egg salad, Chuckie?" Fridge: Um, um I'm sorry, did you say something? I, I'm deaf in this ear. Chuckie: on his feet on the floor in surprise You're deaf? Fridge: Sure. I thought everybody knew that. Chuckie: Look who you're talking to. I'm not exactly in the loop. Wow. back on the display, now relieved All this time, I thought you were ignoring me. Fridge: Chuckie, right? Chuckie: happy Yeah! Fridge: So uh, how was your egg salad? smiles widely with joy outside, the tattoo artist drives up with Angelica and Susie, with the students looking and rushing outside to see. Susie and Angelica greet them all. Ms. O'Keats: Mr. Pangborn, they're here! Mr. Pangborn: Oh, joy! I better get a volume for this. grabs Ms. O'Keats and spins her in the air with joy, but they separate awkwardly after she's set down. the bus starts boarding all the students. Harold and Harriet are now angrily facing away from each other. Harold: You know, you don't have to agree with me on everything. Harriet: I feel the exact same way. Harold: See? Like that! I'm moving out! Chuckie: the argument Wow, I thought they'd be together forever. to Fridge You know, this marriage thing is a lot harder than it looks. subtly reminds him of his partial deafness Oh. Susie: You know Angelica, I am glad we ended up together. You taught me you have to enjoy the journey, not just the destination. Angelica: Exactly; Like if I hadn't gotten into that tattoo parlor, we wouldn't be making it back in time for your interview right now. Susie: Oh, but we hadn't gone into that tat shop if you hadn't made us late in the first place. Angelica: We wouldn't have been "late" if you hadn't lost your old backpack. Susie: up I wouldn't have lost my backpack, if your big head hadn't gotten stuck in that dress. Angelica: Big-mouth! Susie: Bossy! Angelica: I wish we never got married! Susie: WE DIDN'T!!! bus door closes during Susie's outburst, and the driver heads for the school Mr. Pangborn: Did anybody call the police, and tell them the girls are safe? Ms. O'Keats: Whoops! Oh well; We'll call when we get to school, Mr... closer to him Pangborn. Mr. Pangborn: Call me... Estes. Ms. O'Keats: (dreamily) Estes... gaze at each other lovingly as the bus drives away Tommy, Dil, and the twins are walking back to the school. Lil: at her shirt excitedly I am never gonna wash this shirt again! Or these socks, or these shorts! Maybe I just won't bathe! Phil: I don't know why I got all agro, man, I knew we'd get away with it. Tommy: We are a lean, mean, hooky machine. Dil, and the twins share high-fives, before they walk around the corner and see the police meant for Angelica and SUsie. A couple cars drive up and stop by them, while three helicopters hover above the area. Tommy and the twins get down on their knees, while Dil lays on the ground; Tommy has his hands behind his head, while Phil and Lil simply have their arms up in surrender Tommy: Okay, we ditched! We admit it! Lil: I'm sorry! Phil: I'll never do it again! I swear! Don't take me away! Dil: at Tommy He's a bad influence. Tommy: his eyes angrily Category:Content Category:Transcripts Category:All Grown Up! 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